“it’s about me”

A candlelight vigil was held tonight

Sun, 2 Oct 2011 16:37:37 -0500

Voice of the Faithful (VOTF) of St. Louis held a candlelight vigil for all deceased victims of clerical abuse, especially suicide and murder victims. Around 40 folks showed up on a beautiful night. VOTF also invited SNAP members to attend.

VOTF members read prayers and poetry along with the known names of those whom their abuse took their lives. This was held in front of the New Cathedral in St. Louis on Lindell Blvd.

After reading the names below please take 5 minutes of silence to remember these victims of clerical abuse.
(This list is published with the approval of the families)

Stephen R. Hippe, 21 yrs old
Adam Reicks, 20 yrs old
Jeff Alfieri, 43 yrs old
John M Wain
John W, 21yrs old
Luke Powell
Patrick McSorley, 29 yrs. old
Peter Powell, 48 yrs old
James T. Kelly, 37 yrs old
Marian E. Lovelace, 52 yrs old
Troy Meilleur, 29 yrs old
Jeanne Morhan, 18 yrs old.
Thomas Glenn Pierick, 32 yrs old
Eduardo Ramon III, 20 yrs old.
Richard L, 36, yrs old
Thomas C., 39 yrs old
Christopher D, 12 yrs. old
Kevin Heaney, 19 yrs. old
X.J. 22 yrs. old
John S. 18 yrs old
Frank D., 15 yrs old
Danny L.
Spencer McElwee, 21 yrs old
Larry L. C., 48 yrs old
Steve D.C., 43 yrs old.
Peter G. R., 44 yrs old
William F., 20 yrs old
Gary K. 34 yrs old.
Keith K., 41 yrs old.
Dennis M Brown, 44 yrs old
Peter Fitzpatrick, 23 yrs old
Mark N.
John D.
Jay Patrick Lemberger, 21 yrs old
Mary Elizabeth Robrecht, 35 yrs old
Delilah Yzaguirre
Allen, 33 yrs. old
Adam R. 20 yrs. old
Christopher Klump, 30 yrs old
Albert Garza, 54 yrs old
Thomas Deary, 44 yrs old
Chris B, 19 yrs old
Patrick A
Gary P.
Matthew G
Damien J.
David Martin, 39 yrs old
Karen Roby, 50 yrs old
Clarence D.
Stephanie Piper, 32 yrs old
William A Slossar, 38 yrs old
John Thomas Mulroy, 36 yrs old
Paul Joynt, 45 yrs old
Greg. S., 35 yrs old
John Houston
David L, 32 yrs. old
Michael B., 42 yrs old
Jerry D.
Donald J., 41 yrs old
Zeke C., 27 yrs old
Patrick Gallagher
Mathew G., 22 yrs old
Linda M.
Pat D.
Walter D.
Mark Alan Reed
Pat Podvin, 40 yrs old
John Brian Greenlaw, 33 yrs old
Daniel Joseph Romey, 23 yrs old
Bobby Joe Thompson, 21 yrs old
Mario Gilbert Rodriquez, 31 yrs old
Eric Anthony Patterson, 29 yrs old
Paul M Tafolla, 31 yrs old
Timmy R, 40 yrs old
Sr. Anupa Mary, 24 yrs. old
Emma Foster, 25 yrs. old
Brian Teeman, 14 yrs. old

Murdered Victims
Gilbert Bonneau, 9 yrs old
Danny Croteau, 12 yrs. old
Sister Margaret Ann Pahl, 72 yrs old
Irene Gorza, 25 yrs old
Joe Busman

EMDR: Session two

Wed, 21 Sep 2011 22:03:40 -0500

Tonight’s session was good. I think? Maybe better than I thought. Maybe? But it seemed like a normal therapy session. We set a timeline up. As in what is the first thing I can remember that was really upsetting in my life, as in kindergarten or even before and work forward. So as I started talking, a few little things came to mind, but then we started in on the grooming and made it all the way to my being raped. Then some wind down time and we ended the session there. We set the next appointment up, chatted a bit then I left. Honestly, it did not feel all that intense while I was telling her my story. A few moments of stress here and there but nothing real big. Then as I was walking out the door I noticed my legs felt sore like after a workout, and so did my arms. I noticed my hands were shaking quite a bit. I walked out to my car and sat for a while, collected my thoughts and started home.
I think I have been out of therapy way too long.

EMDR session one

Sat, 17 Sep 2011 11:16:20 -0500

Several years ago I was diagnosed with Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and Depression. While I thought I had things under control, over the past several months it has become clear I am slipping back into my stressed/depressed state.

Recently some fellow survivors have been telling me about something called Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) It is a form of psychotherapy that was developed by Francine Shapiro [1][2] to resolve the development of trauma-related disorders caused by exposure to distressing events such as rape or military-combat. According to Shapiro's theory,[1] when a traumatic or distressing experience occurs, it may overwhelm usual cognitive and neurological coping mechanisms. The memory and associated stimuli of the event are inadequately processed, and are dysfunctionally stored in an isolated memory network. The goal of EMDR therapy is to process these distressing memories, reducing their lingering influence and allowing clients to develop more adaptive coping mechanisms. Read all about EDMR here.

So what can I tell you about it... nothing so far. My new therapist of only one session has told me we need to do some preliminary work together before we get to the EMDR part.

So this section of the blog will be dedicated to recording my thoughts, moods and any changes I am feeling. Also I’ll be telling you from my perspective how EMDR works.

So for a base line:
Currently there is a lot of stress going on right now. I’d say on a scale of 1 to 10 recent events put it at 8 to 9. Yes, that severe. I’m not willing to go into great detail but between my rape history and all the stress of my mom, and her multiple illness’s and hospital trips the family unit here is under a ton of stress. And I’m not handling it well... at all. And I haven’t been for a long time now.

I am looking forward to my sessions and hopefully helping me and my family get through this intact and putting an end to my unpredictable mood swings and depression.

So there you have it: EMDR session one entry one.

Crimes Against Humanity

Thu, 15 Sep 2011 10:05:56 -0500

This entry is from yesterday’s press conference in St. Louis.
Hello my name is Tim Fischer I am a survivor of priest abuse here in St. Louis. I was raped when I was 11 by Fr. Norman H. Christian at St, Georges perish. I am also a member of SNAP.
I would like to relate yesterdays powerful event at the Hague to my own experience. then take any questions you have... and that I might be able to answer.
In 2004, something very powerful was happening in St. Louis. I recount these events in great detail in my blog. www.timfischer1.com
The police had been investigating my case for two years, trying to pry information out of the archdiocese that entire time when suddenly I received a courageous phone call from my perp’s niece Pete. She told me about how her Aunt (Father Christian’s younger sister Carol) had been battling with not only Father Christian but also the Archdiocese and several Bishops and Archbishops, over the past 18 years. Everything she told me helped my heart heal more and more. She informed me Father Christian was dying, and the two of them wanted to help any of his victims if they could. She asked,” Is there anything I can do for you?” I told her: “Yes, would you give him a message for me?” Tell him, “he didn't get away with it. I told people about what he did and they believed me, not him. he’s dying in shame and God will deal with him and all of those who have protected his kind.” On Sunday October 24, 2004, Pete flew to St. Louis from Tampa FL and at 10:00PM delivered my message to him personally.
Yesterday, representatives of SNAP and CCR did for all survivors & children around the world, in a sense, what Pete and Carol did for me, they filed an 80+ page formal request asking the International Criminal Court (ICC) prosecutor to investigate high-level Catholic Church officials for crimes against humanity. The detailed complaint - accompanied by 20,000 pages of evidence – charges that the church hierarchy tolerates and continues a widespread, on-going global practice of concealing rape and abuse. The complaint is posted at SNAPnetwork.org and CCRjustice.org. SNAP believes their filing contains sufficient proof that the prosecutor should act. But, for the sake of protecting the vulnerable and healing the wounded, SNAP is urging all clergy sex victims to step forward now. And we are asking those who saw or suspected such crimes and cover ups – particularly as church employees – to summon the strength to call police and prosecutors with any information they may have, however old, small or seemingly insignificant, so that an innocent child might be protected, and one more child molesting clerics might be charged, convicted and imprisoned.
Child sex crimes have been concealed, and are still being concealed, by high ranking Vatican officials. We feel that for children to truly be protected, those that commit or conceal these crimes must be held accountable. We believe that by filing the complaint yesterday with the ICC we have taken a necessary step to hold those officials responsible for their actions and inactions that have allowed thousands of children to be sexually abused by clerics.
We hope that yesterdays action will encourage other victims worldwide to come forward, speak up, and begin to heal. As a victim, myself, I hope that the filing of this complaint with the ICC will help prevent another child from being sexually abused as I was at 11 years old.
Thank you.

During my talks with the church they told me they believed me. I also found out they had removed Fr. Christian form “Active Ministry” in 1994 because of other sexual allegations with minors. But upon his death in 2004 Archbishop Burke buried him as a priest in good standing. Their cover up attempts never stop.

Missouri Law and Reporting Abuse

Sun, 21 Aug 2011 10:29:04 -0500

I was researching “reporting child abuse in Missouri”. My intent was to post a “how to” entry on this. What I found was a group in Jefferson City Missouri called “The Rainbow House” has already done this on their most informative website.
The information below is taken directly from their site. It would be foolish for me to try and improve on this information. please check out their full site at “The Rainbow House”.

Missouri Law and Reporting Abuse
In Missouri, if you have “reasonable cause to believe” a child is being abused or neglected you must report that suspicion to the state Department of Children’s Services or law enforcement—and you are required by law to do it immediately.

Specific Mandated Reporting Information
• By law, mandated reporters are physicians, nurses, social workers, day care staff, teachers, ministers and law enforcement officials.
• Mandated reporters also include any other person with responsibility for the care of children.
• Mandated reporters are required by state statute to report abuse/neglect when they have reasonable cause to suspect a child has been or is being abused/neglected, or if a child is observed as being subjected to such conditions or circumstances.
• Failure to report is a class A misdemeanor. The guilty party may face up to a year in jail and a fine of up to $2,500, either, or both.
• The Missouri Child Abuse/Neglect Hotline Unit (CANHU) is operated 24/7/365. It is run by 52 trained and experienced Children’s Services workers.
• The toll-free number for the state of Missouri is: 1-800-392-3738.

Although the above mentioned individuals are required by law to report incidences of child abuse/neglect, anyone who has a reasonable cause to believe a child is being abused is encouraged to call the child abuse hotline. The process is the same as that of a mandated reporter.

Whenever possible, the report must include:
• Name(s) and address(es) of the child and those responsible for his/her care if known
• Child’s age, sex, and race
• Nature and extent of the child’s injuries, abuse, or neglect
• Family composition
• Source of the report
• Name and address of person making the report, his/her occupation, and where he/she can be reached (Note: a mandated reporter, by law, may not remain anonymous!).
• Actions taken by the reporting source including any x-rays, photos, or other useful information- the more, the better!
• Chances are, the operator or agent will ask:
• Is the child in a life-threatening situation now?
• How do you know about the abuse/neglect?
• Did you witness the abuse/neglect?
• Were there other witnesses and how can they be contacted?
• If you thought to yourself “Maybe I should call….”, DO! Always err on the side of caution. No harm will be done by making a call even if the child is not being abused.
• If a child is in immediate danger, call 911.
__________________________________________________________________________________
 Do not attempt to conduct your own investigation. Report your suspicions to the proper authorities. It is the role of the state Department of Children’s Services or law enforcement to investigate the report. However, all reports do not meet the criteria for investigation. If you suspect additional abuse after the initial report has been made, report that as well.   As a mandated reporter you are protected by the state in terms of liability and confidentiality. Reporters who “act in good faith” are immune from any civil or criminal charges which may result.   If you are unsure whether or not you have reasonable cause, go ahead and call. Borderline cases are of great concern—abuse occurs in approximately 50% of these cases if intervention does not take place. In 35% of these cases, the children will eventually be severely injured. Approximately 1.7% of these children will be killed.
If you are a teacher, know your school’s rules Individual schools may have their own reporting rules. Some may require the head teacher or principal be informed, who then will make the official report. Please note that should the higher administrator of your school fail to report, you are not released from your obligation to do so.   Reporting is a request for investigation. Do not attempt to conduct your own investigation. Report your suspicions to the proper authorities. It is the role of the state Department of Children’s Services or law enforcement to investigate the report. However, all reports do not meet the criteria for investigation. If you suspect additional abuse after the initial report has been made, report that as well.  As a mandated reporter you are protected by the state in terms of liability and confidentiality. Reporters who “act in good faith” are immune from any civil or criminal charges which may result.   Follow your feelings If you are unsure whether or not you have reasonable cause, go ahead and call. Borderline cases are of great concern—abuse occurs in approximately 50% of these cases if intervention does not take place. In 35% of these cases, the children will eventually be severely injured. Approximately 1.7% of these children will be killed.   Some guidelines suggested by many teachers are:
• Resolve doubt in favor of the child.
• Discuss your observations and concerns privately with other staff who know the child. Make sure no children can hear you.
• Let the children in your care know they can talk to you.
• If you sense a child is trying to tell you something, let the child know you will believe and help her/him with any problem.
• Be direct. Go to a private place and ask gently if the child is having a problem with which he or she needs help.
• Respect the child’s privacy by not discussing the situation with others.
• Believe the child who discloses. Children do not lie about sexual abuse.