This is the middle installment of a III part series on what Carol (Fr. Christian’s little sister) had done over the last 18 years of his life to try and get something done about her brothers “secret sin”.

July 21, 2002 – Our pastor at Immaculate Conception Parish, Union, MO got me angry with a very long column he wrote re: sexual abuse of minors in our Sunday bulletin.  I responded to everything he said with a two and half page typed letter, telling him of my brother, etc.  On August 5th I received a reply from him in which he said, among other things, “I can’t disagree with anything you wrote. “    I am sorry to say that while he agreed with me then, I think he’d like to see me drop off the face of the earth now. 

January 3, 2003 --  I sent a letter to Bishop Naumann after seeing a Dec 27th TV news segment showing a group of people picketing the YCM concert at Seven Holy Founders Parish.  Steve Pona was telling a news reporter that Fr. Bruce Foreman had molested him when he was a member of the group years before.  I believed him because I knew Fr. Foreman had molested my friend’s daughter in the group at that time.  I had removed my daughter from YCM when she told me about it.  I brought this “picketing situation” to Bishop Naumann’s attention because back when he was a priest in our parish, I had asked Naumann about getting Fr. Foreman removed after he had molested my friends’ daughter.  Naumann told me nothing could be done because the victim wouldn’t press charges, and “it wouldn’t be fair to dirty the priest’s name!”  Yet, he did assure me that Fr. Foreman would be sent for treatment!  So it’s not like the archdiocese doesn’t believe he did what the kids are accusing him of doing.  They just refuse to remove him until they are forced to do so.  It’s better in their minds to leave a possible predator in his position of trust and respect with access to more innocent, unsuspecting kids!  What are they thinking?

February 7, 2003 – After seeing an article in the St. Louis Review on Fr. Hess being sentenced lightly for obscene materials, I sent a letter to Archbishop Rigali with a copy to Bishop Naumann saying it didn’t surprise me that Fr. Hess jumped at the lesser plea, but to see our church leaders “ok” with him being able to do it, thanks to a mistake being made, being the right thing to do, sickened me!  Fr. Hess had confessed, but law enforcement had made some mistake regarding the search warrant.  The church helped Hess dodge the punishment he deserved for choosing to indulge in criminal activity!!!

February 17, 2003 – Bishop Naumann responded to me for Rigali saying “Fr. Hess was encouraged to be honest and cooperative with the law.”  He went on to say “the church doesn’t “celebrate” the necessity to punish anyone, clergy or lay person, Catholic or non-Catholic.  A person who purchases child porn isn’t as bad as one who personally sexually abuses one.”  He, also, thought I “misjudged the intentions of the majority of bishops.”  He said that “in St. Louis the church offered counseling for some whose allegations seemed very doubtful, but were obviously troubled.  Priests are entitled to be innocent until proven guilty.  The church is about the work of mercy, not inflicting punishment.” 

(But what is it doing to all the sexual abuse victims itself?)  “The church does not advocate for public humiliation and punishment of anyone who has sinned.

March 12, 2003 – Norman emailed me that his personnel file had been subpoenaed from the archdiocese by the St. Louis County prosecuting attorney’s office.  He was scared!  He had legal counsel lined up.

May 15, 2003 -- Norman had a stroke that affected one side of his body.

June 23, 2003 – Norman emailed that he was going from Regina Cleri to St. Mary’s Health Center for outpatient PT and OT.  Besides the stroke problems, he was dealing with some heart and eye problems.

September 13, 2003 – Received a card from Bishop Naumann saying he was praying for our family.

September 17, 2003 – Since I had heard from Bishop Naumann again, I sent him another letter after being upset that a jury found it so difficult to punish Fr. Brian Kuchar just because he was a priest.  He received a mere slap on the wrist for a horrific crime of child abuse.  I thought that just made it all the more difficult for other victims to be able to put themselves through the torture of reporting their own abuse from “religious”.  Past errors in judgment by bishops could be forgiven if they’d just do the right thing now.  It seemed to me the church is in a business that’s being run very badly and fears going bankrupt.

I don’t remember the date, but a detective from the St. Louis County Child Abuse Unit called me saying she had come across my letters to Norman when they had gotten his files.  He had been arrested, booked and processed but released.  My first thought was, thank God one of his victims found the courage to report him to the police.  I answered her questions as best I could and gave her copies of everything I had in case it would be of help.  Norman never told me any names.  I told her of the time I had received a piece of mail for him at my home address.  He was shaken and angry.  Later he told me it was from a victim he was paying off.  He had made an error and the person was correcting him.  He told the person never to send anything to my address again.   I don’t know how the person knew my address.  The mail came from Oregon.  (If the person who sent it is reading this, please know how sorry I am for what he did to you.  I have been fighting for years to get the church to hold itself accountable for its wrongdoing in all sexual abuse cases, and I intend to continue until they get it right.

January 11, 2004 – Our pastor commented in the Sunday bulletin that in 1955 polls ran Catholics 74%   Protestants 42%, and now the numbers were reversed and the Catholics were at an all time low.  He asked “What’s going on?”  So I told him what I thought.    I replied that I couldn’t believe our Church leaders still don’t understand how big a hit TRUST in all “religious” has taken.  Catholics just don’t believe their church leaders anymore.  It’s not like back in the good old days of 1955!        (He never responded.  He seems to have a hard time even saying hello to me when he sees me after mass for quite a while now.)

March 3, 2004 – We were gone all day, and upon our return heard Norman’s distressed phone message.  There was bad news.  His name was in the paper and on TV and radio about the sexual abuse accusation.  He was looking to us for support.

March 4, 2004 – After a lot of thinking and little sleep, I sent Norman a letter letting him know the only way I could support him was if he accepted responsibility for his behavior, told his victims he was sorry, turned himself in to authorities and accepted his punishment. 

I told him the emotional turmoil he was having was a taste of what his victims had been living with most of their lives.  I could respect him if he’d apologize to them.  I didn’t receive a reply.

March 5, 2004 – Our family received a sympathetic note from Bishop Naumann saying he was praying for us now that Norman’s lawsuit was made public.

March 11, 2004 – I wrote Archbishop Burke a note asking what he was encouraging Norman to do regarding the abuse suit.  I sent him a copy of the letter I had sent to Norman as to what I suggested he do.  I never received a response from Burke.   I sent the same thing to Bishop Naumann

April 18, 2004 – Bishop Naumann responded to my 3-11-04 letter saying the archdiocese “always encouraged Norman to be honest and forthright and to disclose information.”  However he is entitled to civil legal counsel and canonical legal counsel.  That’s privileged information and he wasn’t aware of advice they gave him.

June 17, 2004 -  Norman was no longer communicating with me.  I wanted to keep him thinking of his victims, so I emailed him that I was praying for him and to put aside his fears and turn himself in.  His victims didn’t deserve the misery they’ve been living with because as children they trusted someone they had been taught to respect and obey.

June 25, 2004 – He emailed me:  “Do not email me in the future.  Email is an insecure medium, which seems to remain somewhere in cyberspace forever.  I am doing the best that I can to take care of myself.  Please respect my wishes.

NEVER ONCE DID HE ASK HOW I OR MY DAUGHTER WAS DOING THROUGH ANY OF THIS, NOT IN 17 YEARS.  He never thought of anyone but himself, ever.

July 31, 2004 – I sent him a letter since he asked me not to email him anymore.  I told him I hated what he had done, but that he was my brother, and I loved him enough to say these things to him.  He must put the needs of those he hurt before his own or the church’s needs, so they may begin to heal.  I told him they needed to hear him acknowledge that he failed them and are deeply sorry so they may be able to reach out again in comfort with trust and respect for the church.    (no response)

August 30, 2004 – Still hoping he’d have a change of heart, I sent another letter asking him to personally apologize to those he abused.  I told him that what he did in a difficult situation would tell everyone who he was and what he was about even more than his behavior when things were going well.  I told him I thought it applied to the church, too, about not being concerned about acquiring material things, to be concerned about one’s spiritual live.   (I felt he was worried about protecting the church’s material wealth and was trying to get him to think about that.)      (no response)

September 1, 2004 – I was angry after reading the August 26 Post-Dispatch article stating “ the Archdiocese has agreed to help people with their counseling expenses in response to their claims of sexual abuse.”  Their lawyer said otherwise the accusers would receive nothing “because of the statute of limitations defense.”  I found that so disgusting!  Our good moral leaders are paying a lawyer to work the system to keep the church from going broke.  I pointed out that a priest recently admitted stealing money from his parish and publicly apologized.  Yet Norman tells me he can’t admit what he did (abuse kids) because it would open the door to so many lawsuits against the archdiocese.  I told him an “I’m sorry I did it, you trusted me and I let you down.  I am so sorry.” Would be so helpful to those he had hurt.  Maybe it could even give him some peace.   (He didn’t respond.)

October 16, 2004 – Angie called me.  She was Norman’s friend.  He had given her permission to call and tell me he was dying from kidney and liver failure.  She asked me to come to the hospital.  I told her I wouldn’t be coming.

October 18, 2004 – Angie called my sister that Norman was getting worse.  When my sister told me, I decided to send him a quick note telling him that the moment I heard his apology being made over the radio and TV saying he was sorry for what he had done to all the people he had hurt during his priesthood, I be at his side right away and hear whatever he had to tell me.    He made his choice and never apologized.

October 20, 2004 – My niece, Pete, called to let me know she had talked with David and Tim and I learned that my prayers were being answered in ways I hadn’t expected.

October 21, 2004 – Norman asked a friend to email everyone on his email address book and let them know that he was very ill and at the Mother of Good Counsel Home on Natural Bridge.  They gave the room and phone numbers, visiting hours and invited visitors.  Then it indicated not to respond to the email as his computer was being shut down per his wishes. 

October 26, 2004 – I called my sister and told her how proud I was of my niece for delivering Tim’s message to Norman.    I learned that the note I had sent to Norman at the hospital was intercepted at first, but was finally given to him.  So sad that he chose to die never saying he was sorry to all the people he had hurt.

His funeral arrangements were made and information given out to family and select friends by word of mouth only.  The archdiocese did not run a death notice.   My family and I did not attend his “secretly” held funeral.  Archbishop Burke (I was told) celebrated a beautiful funeral mass for him as a priest in good standing.  I understand 40 to 50 priests attended his funeral at St. Richard’s in Creve Coeur and he received a great tribute from Burke.

October 29, 2004 – I sent a letter to Sr. Maurice, a Notre Dame nun who had taught Norman in grade school and my kids, too.  I knew it hurt her to learn of Norman’s behavior, but she made a most appreciated supportive call to me after Bill McClellan’s column ran.  She said, “Carol, you’re doing this for the victims, aren’t you.”  She understood!  At that point I was on the verge of leaving the church.  She encouraged me to stay and fight for change, and I decided she was right.  The Catholic faith is good.  It’s the leadership that needs to be repaired.

November 6, 2004 -- I had sent an informative letter to all my relatives, in-laws and friends who didn’t know Norman’s “secret”.   I figured they’d see his death notice and go to the funeral parlor then wonder why I wasn’t there.  I wanted them to know they didn’t have to attend on my account as I would not be there.  Lots of people found it hard to believe.  Everyone thought highly of Norman.

November 13, 2004 – With the help of Bill McClellan, the Post-Dispatch ran a delayed obituary story  on my brother, allowing me to write it.  Quite a bit was edited from the original version that ran in the paper, but they ran the entire draft on the STLtoday website.  Both versions ended with “memorial donations to be made to SNAP or masses.  I thought that was only right.

November 16, 2004 – I sent a letter to the editor at the Post-Dispatch backing the paper for reporting sexual abuse stories even from long ago.  I told readers their compassion belongs to all who have been victimized, not to those who have been covering it up.